We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again. Cold feet are totally normal and quite common for both brides and grooms. Pre-wedding jitters are a physical manifestation of anxieties you have about your wedding. Don’t worry, they’re not necessarily anything more than worrying about tripping up the aisle. But they are your body trying to tell you you’re ignoring some concerns. Here’s how you check if they’re genuine worries or just a little case of cold feet.

Cold Feet – Nothing To Worry About

You might have been arguing a lot with your partner recently. If this is a new strain, it’s probably stress-related in the run-up to the wedding, even if the fights are not directly related to the wedding. Talk to your partner about your worries.

You might suddenly be starting to worry about being married to someone else for the rest of your life. It’s totally normal to worry about this, especially if this worry is only cropping up now that the wedding is edging closer. It’s a big commitment. But you made it for a reason.

If you’re worrying about the day itself, this is definitely nothing to worry about. It’s just nerves. It’s important to remember that this massive celebration is fundamentally about the marriage itself, so if getting hitched doesn’t go off without a hitch, it’s not the end of the world. You didn’t say yes to the party, you said yes to your partner.

Are you suddenly bothered by your husbands-to-be’s habits that you never cared about before? Are you starting to worry that these will be too much to bear as the years go by? Again, this is totally normal and usually, wedding-stress related. In fact, chances are, those habits have bothered you before but only when you’re stressed with work or panicked about a big project. They don’t bother you in real life, you’re just more sensitive to things at the moment. Again, talk to your partner about these worries, so he can help ease your worries (and maybe take a bit more care to put the milk back in the fridge).

Genuine Worries – Alarm Bells

As we said, your pre-wedding jitters, whether innocent or not, are a sign that you’re ignoring a gut feeling about something you’re concerned about. It could be fundamental worries about your partner that you have managed to bury in the past but now you’re starting to wonder, ‘Will it always be like this after we get married?’

To answer this question, you have to first ask yourself, has it ever been like this in the past? How often does it happen or how long has it been happening?

These worries can come from anything like being careless with money, frequent fighting or mistrust. However, they can escalate to controlling behaviour, the potential of cheating or even verbal abuse or violent behaviour.

If you have any of these worries you should have a serious talk with your partner and go talk about your concerns. These are serious and maybe the solution will be to slow down and postpone the wedding until you’re surer of your relationship.

However, if there is controlling, abusive or violent behaviour in your relationship, these are far more serious concerns and you should consider calling the whole thing off and seeking help.

- Jenny Darmody