Engaged life seems to be just one endless party; soirées held in your honour or paying thousands for a dress you’ll only wear once and feeling not one ounce of guilt - and why should you? But no-one thinks of the downsides; the quibble about the registry gifts, the uproar on the seating plans etc. No matter how much engaged bliss will bring you closer together, it will also lead to some petty bickering and possibly some full-blown wedding planning fights. Don't worry though, it's a normal part of the wedding planning process. Here we have some of the most common blowouts in the run-up to your wedding, and how to avoid them.
Budget planning fights
You’ve found the perfect dress, while he found the ultimate venue. The problem being, the budget doesn’t stretch for both! Alternatively, the budget might only allow for 100 guests, but his family accounts for 90. The only option is to compromise. Bringing your compromising skills into play this early on makes fantastic practise for when you’re newlyweds facing far bigger problems in life. If you cannot come to an agreement, why not give family members and friends a chance to chip in for different aspects of the wedding as their gift to you both. The budget will always cause planning fights in terms of what is more important to each of you, the important thing to remember is the budget is the enemy, not your significant other.
He's mad into his music, and wants a wedding totally decked out with records, guitars and sheet music for a music-themed wedding. You're looking for a simple, peeled back, all white wedding with pristine backdrops and magical fairy lights. Again, compromising on what you really want comes into play. It's possible to amalgamate your style and themes no matter how opposite they seem. Brides can occasionally feel the need to decorate the wedding, but don't neglect your groom's tastes and passions.
One of the top wedding planning fights definitely occurs when families get involved. If his in-laws are a noisy, brash, intrusive bunch, remember they're as important to him as yours are to you so begin to think of these colourful characters as part of your own family now – change your mind set and embrace the madness, and don't forget that your family might be the so-called 'crazy' ones. If all else fails, declare it an intimate wedding, therefore downsizing the guest list for the ceremony. All other friends and family can attend the reception instead were you’ll be too busy mingling and having fun to notice any family meltdowns. If there are some unavoidable conflicts, it's the responsibility of the person who's family it is to have a few words with them, and don't forget, it might be both of you who has to deal with family conflicts.
The groom’s involvement
You should enter the planning process as you intend to enter your marriage - together as a team. Remember it’s not just your special day, and the occasion could be just as special and important to your groom. Talk about involvement early on and what each partner expects from the other – therefore, neither will be left disappointed down the line and one is not left with a million and one wedding prep tasks to complete alone. Most grooms do genuinely seem happy to take a back seat but just in case, find out what he is interested in and encourage him to participate in it wholeheartedly. Equally, there are some ways to get your groom involved when he's less than enthusiastic.
When both sides of the couple come from different religious backgrounds, deciding on a mutual ceremony can prove a tricky task. Remove family expectations from both sides from the equation and make this important decision as a couple. Weigh up the options from both sides: be kind, considerate, understanding and you’ll conclude with a well thought out ceremony in which both cultures are recognised.
- Michelle Storey