We all know there’s enough stress when it comes to the wedding guest list without having to consider stragglers or awkward guests you really don’t want there. And while there can sometimes be those people you will have to invite, there are definitely some you don’t have to invite.
Children
Deciding to have children at your wedding is completely at your discretion. Guests should never expect their children to be invited unless it says so on the invite. Children can be disruptive during the ceremony. They can also get bored during the reception (it is a long day after all) and may need additional entertainment, which means extra costs. Not to mention the fact that not all parents want to bring their children to a wedding. It means they’re still on duty, so you might be doing them a favour.
Plus ones
There is some etiquette to plus ones. People who are married are really entitled to plus ones. However, beyond that, it’s really up to you. Even when it comes to your bridesmaids, you don’t have to give them plus ones if they have a new boyfriend a wet week. You should also consider where and how you draw the line. Do people get plus ones if you’ve met their partner? What about people who’ve been together longer? How do you decide who gets a plus one and who doesn’t? The only ones you really should give plus ones to is married couples. After that, it’s up to you, but we advise you to make the ‘line’ very distinct.
Your boss
Or any colleagues for that matter. We know it can feel awkward when you work with these people every day and your boss is probably giving you time off for the wedding and the honeymoon, but that doesn’t mean you have to invite them. If you don’t consider them friends outside of work then they shouldn’t get an invite just because you work with them. There’s a very clear line between colleagues and they won’t expect an invite so why should you feel like you have to invite them?
Your ex
This one is very clear cut. There’s no grey area really, even if you remained friends afterwards. That person is still your ex and they don’t need to be invited to your wedding. What’s more is they know very well why they shouldn’t get an invite and therefore won’t be expecting one. Think about it, would you want to go to your ex’s wedding? Even if there are no bad feelings (or more importantly, romantic feelings), trust us, that’s a wedding you can skip and the same goes for yours.
Old friends
Sure, we all remember creating our fake wedding on the back of a notebook with our school friends as our bridesmaids. But those who were once considered ‘best friends’ ten years ago might not even warrant an invite now. Have you seen them at all since then? Do you know what’s going on in their lives? The lines get blurrier when it comes to friends you see occasionally that you used to be a lot closer to. The truth is, your wedding is not an excuse to invite 500 people for one big reunion. Once you get through the list of family and close friends, you could be already struggling to fit everyone in. Just because you said someone would get an invite to your hypothetical wedding when you were a teenager, doesn’t mean you have to actually give them one to the real wedding.
Friends you haven’t met
This one is really up to you. How important are certain friends to you if they haven’t even met your husband-to-be? Most people have met their fiancé’s important friends before they get engaged. Usually the ones you haven’t met are a clear sign they’re not important or close enough to warrant an invite. Of course there are plenty of situations, like living abroad, that mean you might not have met them all, but you still must have heard about them.
Neighbours
This one is similar to the co-workers argument. You probably see them at least once a day, but outside of neighbourly situations of simply saying hi, how much time do you really spend with them? How well do you know them? Do you ever hang out with them or invite them over for dinner? Again, if they’ve become friends with you then they might no longer fall into the ‘neighbours’ category and into the ‘close friends’ category, but that’s really something you have to decide for yourself. But unless they’ve made that transition, you’re under no obligation to invite them.
Distant relatives
The family trap is a tough one to navigate. If your parents are contributing to your wedding financially, then they deserve some say in the guest list. But generally, you don’t have to invite every member of your family, especially if you have a big one, which is quite common in Ireland. If you don’t see any of your cousins from one side of the year to the next for example, you don’t have to invite them. This one is similar to the plus ones rule. It’s a good idea to set a precedent. It’s easier to invite all cousins or no cousins, then to invite some.
Frenemies
This is another clear cut rule but we understand it can be a tough one to swallow. You know who we’re talking about when we say frenemies. Those so-called ‘friends’ who slowly and subtly take you down with thinly veiled comments. The jealous friends, the bitchy friends, and more importantly, the friends who hate your husband-to-be. Your wedding is a celebration of your love, you don’t want anyone there who doesn’t like one of you.
Anyone likely to have one too many
This is a tough one because we know this person could be a best friend or a close family member. If it’s anyone other than these people than you don’t have to invite them. You don’t want your day to be spoiled because you were too polite to not send them an invitation. Equally, if you have to invite them, then it’s worth having a quiet word with them. Even if you want them at your big day, you still don’t want them ruining it after one too many.
- Jenny Darmody
Image credits: Rose Petals: Peter Thomas Photography | Children: Brides | Cocktails: Pinterest | Confetti: Weddings Illustrated | Place setting: Celebration Design Studio